What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 08:00
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Which is better, a naked picture of some one you know or porn videos?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Why is my elder sister so mean?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I couldn’t, believe it.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Is it true that Jehovah's witnesses once thought the world would end in 1975?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
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We were not on the streets..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Can you share the entire summary of your spiritual life?
Put me off passion for life!!
But ive been too sick for many years..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
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We all went to grammer schools
I waited trembling.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Why is dating so frustrating and difficult for a guy?
He knew the spot.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Would this be the day?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
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Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She found it foreign!.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
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He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was 9 years of age.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
When she asked me how she looked .
But, we were locked up after school.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My life is so biszare .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Who then, do I blame.?
I will be 64.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
It was going to be , some day.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
One cannot live in the past .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
What did i know ?
And i lived it daily.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
So, i spoilt her more .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
So whats the point in blame.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I think the readers, may guess!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I write beautiful poetry .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Ive learnt so much.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
All the time i was locked up.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She married twice! .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was seconnd youngest,
She wouldn,t have been !
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I said to her
Im still living with it.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was very sick at this time too.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My family never makes their pension either.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I don,t even have a pension.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She loved him until the end.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was scared of men, in general
He resisted the act ,that day.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She was in good health!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
(And it was in our own minds.)
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But it wasn’t much.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Comes on , in middle age.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
This is soul school!.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Was to survive, this bastard.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I have no regrets .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!